From a Quora.com question, which I commented on. It’s lengthy and it’s complex, but it’s intended to awaken a part of our awareness and awarenesses that isn’t and aren’t yet aware.

The Question

“Why is my dog scared of the wall my bed is next to? It is only that specific side he absolutely trembles when going near, however he sleeps perfectly fine on other sides of the bed.”

The Comment on the Question

BNBR (Quora-speak for ‘being nice, being respectful’), if you ask “why” instead of fixing it so you no longer have to ask “why,” you’re doing the wrong thing. That’s not meant to be harsh, just succinct.

1. Don’t ask ‘why?’
2. Fix it

in two bullet points, which might be assumed to be in two, different moments. Or you can think of it this way:

• Don’t ask ‘why;’ fix it. (Doing both in a single moment.)

It’s subtle. Ask or fix—you cannot do both at the same time, so choose one and do it. You’re asking why, so it never gets fixed. Were you to fix it, you’d never need to ask ‘why’.

That’s not meant to be snarky, but it can come across that way… when it’s not snarky. It’s meant to educate.

Here’s another problem: asking ‘why’ has two modes, both present and mixed in at the same time—both are difficult to unravel, both can be and almost always are assumed to be unimportant, even though they’re problematic.

1. You may ask ‘why’ simply out of curiosity, without any drive to fix it,
2. or you may ask ‘why’ out of the true lack of knowing what it is that needs to be done to stop the thing happening from happening and to fix it.

So without me asking you more detail about your intent for asking the question in the first place, my answer might not address the intent of your having asked it. It’s complicated: don’t shoot the messenger.

I can kind of help by suggesting that since the dog’s behavior was its communication in that moment it did its behavior, I’d need to see the video of its behavior to be able to tell you what I thought.

Often, BNBR, owners miss and dismiss a dog’s behaviors as being unimportant when they’re not. If you think you’re accurately reporting everything when you’re not, then how can I ever accurately answer!

It’s another rabbit hole of training that, once again, is complicated and elusive to understand and teach.